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twitter.com/officeslave6:

    oh deer

    — 58 minutes ago

    #deer 

    What causes the mostaccidents in the world ?

    [The answer is at
    the bottom of this screen.]

    Don’t be hasty in your judgment…

    Not cell phones……..

    Not the radio………

    Not GPS monitor……

    Not talking………….

    Not texting…………..

    Not watching a car video……

    Not changing a CD…….or eating

    The most frequent causes ofaccidentsin the World are caused by:

    Yep….

    You guessed it….

    Inappropriate footwear

    Accidents What causes the mostaccidents in the world ? Don’t be hasty in your judgment… Not cell phones……..
    — 21 hours ago

    fini-mun:

becausebirds:

LET THERE BE BONES!

NO LONGER MUST WE BE CRUSHED UNDER HUMAN OPRESSION
FROM NOW ON
WE GET OUR OWN TREATS

    fini-mun:

    becausebirds:

    LET THERE BE BONES!

    NO LONGER MUST WE BE CRUSHED UNDER HUMAN OPRESSION

    FROM NOW ON

    WE GET OUR OWN TREATS

    — 21 hours ago with 131820 notes

    #lol  #dog  #bird 
    cheetahpeople:

space: the final frontier. these are the voyages of the starship enterprise

    cheetahpeople:

    space: the final frontier. these are the voyages of the starship enterprise

    (via spocks--cock)

    — 23 hours ago with 73 notes

    #kirk  #spock  #lol  #tos  #star trek  #Plato's Stepchildren 
    fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
FULL naked.
REAL naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

    fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

    saltheria:

    yeffyaboyuice:

    mythchief:

    So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

    I get naked.

    FULL naked.

    REAL naked.

    I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

    No cookies. Blatant nudity.

    That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

    And there it was.

    This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

    Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

    “Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

    Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

    As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

    This was, nearly, one of those.

    If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

    My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

    I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

    “WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

    And inquiries such as:

    “AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

    Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

    That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

    An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

    OMG ITS BACK

    This shit needs to be published.

    This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

    (via elfkyn)

    — 1 day ago with 186741 notes

    #lol  #cheesy biscuits  #soap  #shower  #wtf 
    awwww-cute:

Dogs can’t read a clock, but when it comes to dinner, they know exactly what time it is

    awwww-cute:

    Dogs can’t read a clock, but when it comes to dinner, they know exactly what time it is

    — 1 day ago with 2336 notes

    #aww  #dog  #puppy 
    1000-sunz:

im afraid that you 
don’t scare me as we collide. 
i love your Dark Side.

-1000 sunz

    1000-sunz:

    im afraid that you
    don’t scare me as we collide.
    i love your Dark Side.

    -1000 sunz

    (via 1000-sunz)

    — 1 day ago with 101 notes

    #cool  #star wars  #cosplay